from Locus
LOCUS APRIL 04
April 1, 2044. Green House occupied. After months of delays,
President George F. Parks and "First Guy" Carlo Moon move in, with
their dogs, praising the moveable walls, solar panels and grass roof of the eco
structure that replaces the former White House, now the Clinton Wax Museum.
April 19, 3144. Life found on tiny Centauran planetoid. An
apparent one-time event ends in tragedy as a four-centimeter wide slime mold on
S2000-J1 is discovered, photographed, tagged, catalogued, and immediately dies.
April 24, 2102. Art vandal pardoned. Alma Farnsley, the
woman who destroyed all the works of art in the Louvre, the Met and the Prado
before she was stopped by an alert security guard, is released from prison at
age 74. Farnsley returns to her home on the Isle of Woman, where she will be
elected Governor for six consecutive terms.
April 7, 2265. Lunar Chardonnay wins Double Gold at San
Francisco International Wine Competition. This is the first major award for the
sprawling Burroughs Vineyard, a joint project of Coppola Ltd. and NASA INC. The
winning entry is described as "A hearty but subtle white, chilly on first
encounter, but with a lingering finish as forgiving as moonlight."
LOCUS MAY 04
5.07. 2011
Martha Stewart released. President Clinton signs a
controversial pardon for the celebrated entrepeneur, who has been held in
solitary confinement and denied cutlery since the "mess-hall melee"
which resulted in the disfigurement of cellmate Donna Karan. The President
declines comment, noting only that Stewart is "no longer a threat to
public safety."
5.14.3602
Sparkle Plenty dies at age 1182 (est.), thus ending the
millennia-long life of the world's favorite (and indeed, only) resident
extraterrestrial. The "affectionate arthropod" never revealed where
she came from or why, but the mystery only added to her immense popularity,
especially with children.
5.19.2009.
Amtrak offloaded to India. The fourth derailment in three
months (and the 256th in two decades) prompts Congress to cut the price for a
quick sale. "If Amtrak were an airline, it would have been shut down years
ago," says Speaker Kennedy, who opposed the sale on humanitarian grounds.
5.26.2117
Library of Congress wiped out. The entire e-collection is
erased by a single "suicide book" written by a disgruntled science
fiction author. The unsuspecting employee who downloaded the deadly volume
(Last Planet Down) is treated and released by volunteer grief counselors.
LOCUS JUNE 04
June 6, 2044. The USA is officially declared a trilingual
country by President Ramirez. In a Rose Garden ceremony the first opera-star
President sings "God Bless America" in Bengali, English and Spanish,
alternating verses.
June 9, 3104. St. Louis des ƒtoiles falls. Centuries of slow
orbital decay end in "a blaze of glory" witnessed by millions, as the
faithful, the respectful, and the curious turn out to bid farewell to the
planet's first orbiting cathedral.
June 16, 2113. Enhanced redwood downed. Eco-terrorists in
California topple the world's tallest tree, the 1325-meter General Ashcroft.
The genetically-enhanced giant, which was over a century old, demolishes a cheese plant, a regional
airport, and an assisted-living facility when it falls.
June 25, 2012. Muscle Car Protest. 43,000 SUVs jam Washington's fabled beltway to protest the
Nader Tax, establishing a one dollar monthly "atmosphere use fee" for every cubic centimeter of
engine displacement over 1500 CCs. With the passage of the law in January,
President Nader's Approval Rating fell from 24% to a term low of .66%.
LOCUS JULY 04
July 5, 2044
Heads of state of 21 nations and 53 NGOs turn out for
funeral of Earth's last elephant. The great beast was electrocuted by an
illegal power tap in suburban Lagos, where it had apparently retreated from the
brush fires raging through central Africa. It was previously thought that the
last elephant had been killed on 2036, when the "dumbo" virus raged
through the world's zoos.
July 11, 2189
Renewed fighting in Los Angeles between the Earl of Water
and the Count of Electricity. Disorder spreads to freeways as gangs of
"underpass boys" take Eight and Five, setting fire to stalled cars.
July 22, 2033
Seg does AT. Bill Wright, who lost a leg in a snowboarding
accident, reaches the summit of Maine's 1605 meter Mt. Katahdin, becoming the
first Segway HT rider to complete the 3500-kilometer Appalachian Trail.
Wright's epic three-month journey,
which included a gun battle in a Pennsylvania mall and an erotic encounter with
a genetically-modified mink, is later chronicled in his e-besteller Two Wheels,
One Dream.
July 36, 4377
Heaven's Gate (also knows as Hale-Bopp) is viewed up-close
by millions via atmospheric lensing as the comet makes its first sojourn to the
inner solar system since 1997. Nike pseudofoot sales soar.
LOCUS AUGUST 04
August 9, 2722
Box sells for 1/2W. A twentieth-century cardboard box,
described by Sotheby-Christie CEO Alma Grohn as "an exquisite example of a
humble art," sells at auction for a record W4935.984. The half-meter
square container for Cheerios, a late-modern mood-enhancer, was allegedly found
in the ruins of a former "film" star's mansion on Beverly Island,
Cafonia.
August 14, 2049
Hung jury in Ballantine triple-murder trial. Phone calls
result in a statistical dead heat, prompting
Judge Lance Ito III
to declare a mistrial, and pundits to question the new system in which
criminal defendants are tried in the media and voted on by the public.
August 21, 2206
Big Mac dies. The celebrated 1,456 square mile, 125
meter-high proti-beeve expires of septicemia. The tragedy is discovered by
cowboys riding line on a hormone drip, when their ATV falls into an unhealed
lesion. Four western Nebraska counties evacuated.
August 29, 2109
Trump Nation stuck. The world's first fully free-floating
artificial principality, seeking refuge in the Mediterranean after a stormy
summer in the English Channel, runs aground on a shoal in the Strait of
Gibraltar. Both Israel and the Islamic Republic of Spain claim salvage rights.
LOCUS SEPTEMBER 04
September 4, 2011. "Reparations Day" celebrated
nationwide as Harvard, Yale, Brown and Dartmouth turn over their endowments to
the trustees of the United Negro College Fund. The undisclosed sum, estimated
in the tens of billions, was revealed to be the profits (with interest) of the
slave trade.
September 8, 2203. Sargasso Station goes online. It is hoped
that the massive nuclear-powered pumping facility will restart the Gulf Stream,
and lead to the eventual resettlement of Europe.
September 19, 2723. Saturn station massacre. Tragedy strikes
Colomere Orbital Music Camp in the rings of Saturn when a jealous husband opens
fire on the interim conductor (his wife), then kills half the audience and
himself with a mail-order morbidity compressor. The massacre and subsequent
attempts to rescue the survivors are later immortalized in Orlo-Pienne's
classic opera, Embrodud a RingolŽe.
September 23, 2046. Hydrogen bomb levels Grand Canyon. A
thermonuclear device floated down the Colorado river smoothes the canyon walls,
killing 1200 and obliterating nature's handiwork of eleven million years.
EarthLast's Willis Ave. Unit claims responsibility, in protest of environmental
restrictions on Antarctic melt-and-drill technology.
LOCUS OCTOBER 04
October 9, 2017. President Obama signs "Ella
Bill," promising new housing and jobs for refugees from the deadliest of
the stationary weather systems which have plagued North America and central
Asia. "Ella," which settled over the lower Ohio Valley in the spring
of 2014, features continuous rainfall and winds of 75-85 mph.
October 13, 2406. Eiffel Tower reopens. The historically
authentic ferrous structure contains four sections of the original, which was
destroyed and scattered by glacial ice.
October 20, 2116. Orbiting cemetery looted. Hollywood's
prestigious Starlawn Memorial Sky Garden is "closed for renovations"
after an unexpected meteor shower delights viewers across the Midwest and a
charred ten-millimeter section of Leonardo DiCaprio's pelvis sells on eBay for
210,000 euros.
October 22, 2028. Viagra Seat banned. After months of investigation, prompted by an article in
"Spokes" magazine, the World Sports Authority votes 445-12 to ban the
device which diverts chemically-enhanced blood flow to the upper thighs. Four
bicycle racers, led by the aging Lance Armstrong, begin a hunger strike in
protest.
LOCUS NOVEMBER 04
Novenber 7, 2322
Oldest bio-building burns. A five-alarm fire destroys the historic
Prairie Manor apartment complex in Decatur, Illinois. Grown from seed by
AgriBild, a division of Pfister-DuPont, the 22nd century apartment complex was
designated a National Landmark in 2307. The fire, which claims three lives, is
blamed on corn borers which ate a section of a heating flue.
November 13, 2097 Walt Disney dies again. The reanimated DNA
holorep who used his celebrity/curiosity status to gain control of the legendary
entertainment empire, dies of organ attrition at re-age 34, unmourned after
laying off hundreds of thousands and declaring the biggest bankruptcy since
Enron in 2001.
November 22, 2019
Terror victim tells all. A tearful Tawana Brawley finally
tells the whole story of her 1987 kidnapping and rape to a secret Homeland
Security court. The unidentified assailants are given indeterminate sentences
after being convicted of undisclosed crimes in a closed ninety-minute trial. As
he was sealing the records, Attorney General Sharpton expressed his
satisfaction but noted that "justice delayed is justice denied."
November 29, 2406
Krishna Sovereign crashes on Mars. The illegal squatter ship, the first
to enter Mars' volatile new atmosphere since the red planet was diverted into
Earth-orbit in 2399, is swept away by flash flooding in Chasma Cobert. 1254
die.
LOCUS DECEMBER 04
December 02, 2032.
Free Speech camp opens. President Cheney staples a ceremonal barbed wire
strand to officially open Camp Kunstler in Nevada's Ashcroft Desert. The 1244 guests, who are allowed a
complete range of expression during their mandatory six-week stay, are each
given a bullhorn on arrival but must buy their own batteries.
December 11, 2165. Christmas Concert cancelled. The annual
Lincoln Center benefit by untrained musicians with nano-enhanced hands is
called off when a solar flare renders the participants unable to play the
opening chords of "The Nutcracker Suite." Volunteers from the
audience help the orchestra members tie their shoelaces and pack their
instruments for the bus trip back to Pennsylvania.
December19, 2066.
Capote great-grandson hosts formal blast. The hundredth anniversary of
Truman Capote's famous party at the Plaza Hotel is commemorated by his
"cheerfully illegitimate" descendant, Beauregard, at Staten Island's
historic Plaza Motel. Among the hundreds attending are four New Jersey mayors,
a gay fire chief, and a movie star. All wear black tie.
December 22, 2015
Lunar "face" wiped out. The Crater Honius, which for centuries
has appeared as Padre Pio to some and as Satan to others, is obliterated by
suicide astronauts in a stolen Soyuz rocket. Islamic Correction claims
responsibility.
LOCUS JANUARY 05
January 2, 2023. Film opening breaks billion mark. "The
Return Of The Mummy's Daughter
Returns Again 2" shatters holiday box office records with a 1.2 billion
dollar opening on 323,456 screens worldwide. The previous record of .9B was
held by the 2018 Winfrey-Tarantino feely, "Daddy? No!"
January 9, 2063. Last prison in US closes. Attica, once the
scene of an historic rebellion, is to be turned into a museum to commemorate
the sufferings caused for centuries by the incarceratory penal system, now
replaced by corporal and chemical sanctions.
January 11, 2153. Dick Clark dies. The popular TV host was
224.
January 16, 2153 LOCUS JANUARY 05
Elvis coin pulled. The ten-dollar gold piece commemorating
the 20th-century rock star is removed from circulation by the Vegas Mint, after
complaints from local merchants that it was too easy to counterfeit.
January 29, 2481.
Hudson Bay freezes over. Celebrants from around the world, many dressed
in white in memory of the extinct polar bear, hold hands on the ice to
"show the world that global warming is a myth." Coors sponsors.
LOCUS FEBRUARY 05
February 6, 2024. University rescinds honorary degree. Angry
UC Berkeley trustees "do this day cancel and delete" the posthumous
honorary doctorate awarded to Beat author William Burroughs in 2031. The action is in response to
recently-discovered letters revealing that NAKED LUNCH was written on steroids
and not, as previously claimed, on heroin.
February 19, 2103. Lunar "oldies" tragedy. All 114
members of an Elderhostel tour of the Mare Sinus Iridum are killed when their
sled is hit by a Chinese test
missile. The accident deals a death blow to the already ailing off-world
tourism industry, and leads many to question the moon's status as a free-fire
zone.
February 12, 2116. First east-west winter solo kayak
Atlantic crossing by a blind gay female graduate of an Ivy League college other
than Yale. Guided by a wrist-beeper and buoyed by a rising tide, Hu-ling
Hernandez Biddle (Princeton '09) paddles briskly into Montauk harbor, where she
is greeted by cheers from a crowd of six, two of them harbor police.
February 25, 2066. UN outlaws fluency gum. The popular chewing gum Chompsky, which
provides several minutes of fleuncy in a wide variety of languages, is banned
by the world body after a Ukrainian diplomat spits out a wad of Russian gum
during a Security Council debate, nearly causing an international incident.
LOCUS MARCH 05
March 4, 2232 Anglo-Subsidence ends. The four-decades-long
sinking of the British Isles comes to a formal conclusion as Charles IV steps
onto a hovercraft and Ben Nevis disappears under the waves. California and
Indonesia both offer sanctuary.
March 12, 2026. Peace Corps sold. CNN buys the troubled
agency for an undisclosed sum, in a bid to compete with "Survivor"
and "Fear Factor" for the lucrative reality TV market. Maria
Schwarzenneger and Regis Philbin to co-host.
March 21, 2012. Social Security reformed. The first 125
retirees, chosen by lottery, arrive by bus at the newly renovated Roosevelt
Casino in Las Vegas, where each is presented with a hundred dollars in chips
and a buffet ticket. The faux lobster is a hit.
March 23, 5423. GULLIVER returns under sail. The first
intergalactic exploratory probe re-enters the solar system after a 2216 year
voyage. The info-mold aboard contains the first "real-time" pictures
of our galaxy from outside. The only surprise is the size of the black hole at
the center.
LOCUS APRIL 05
April 01, 2005
Weapons of Mass Destruction found! The elusive casus belli,
found buried in a breadbox by an alert young Marine from Next Exit, Indiana,
are positively IDed by Saddam Hussein after less than 16 hours of non-lethal,
extra-legal interrogation. A matched set with faux-pearl grips, the WMD are
expected to fetch over $2500 on eBay.
April 01-30, 2917
Thousandth anniversary of Russian Revolution. The streets of
Moscow are jammed by revelers from around the globe, kicking off a month-long
celebration honoring what is now recognized as the "opening act" of
humanity's long, dramatic, and ultimately successful struggle to bring the
earth's resources under collective control.
April 11, 2435
Last English speaker dies. Wilma Holder, of Grass, Oregon,
the last native speaker of Central English, dies at age 81 of smoke inhalation
after a cooking oil incident. Her enigmatic last word, "clockwise!"
which appears in no dictionary, leads to reams of speculation by linguistic antiquarians.
April 26, 2074. World's "top" internet cafe
closes. Mountaineers mourn the loss of Tenzing's Tearoom in Everest's windswept
South Col. Business at the cafe, known for its rancid yak butter tea and speedy
broadband, fell off sharply after last year's near-record 1121 Everest
fatalities. Owners say the cafe will remain available for catered weddings.
LOCUS MAY 05
May 4, 2018
Henry Kissinger dies in prison. The former Nobel Peace Prize
winner, apprehended shivering and naked in an Aspen, Colorado,
"spider-hole" in 2008, served
only nine years of a life sentence for War Crimes and Crimes Against
Humanity.
May 11, 2113
Last remnant of Amazon rain forest sold. A one acre square
of exotic plants, animals, birds and insects, sealed in a plastic bubble and
protected by armed guards, sells on eBay for a record 255,000 euros. Four years
maintenance is included in the price.
May 23, 2087
Torture outlawed in US courts. In a shocking 5-4 reversal,
the US Supreme Court declares "duress confessions" no longer
admissable in federal courts. Prosecutors and rack manufacturers plan appeal to
World Court in Beijing.
May 28, 2654
Nickel Moon falls. After two years of unsuccessful attempts
to stabilize its orbit, heavy-metal resource moon 212 falls into the Nevada
Desert, near the historic Vegas Ruins. Popularly known as "Nickel
Moon" because of its reflectivity, 212 was a favorite of lovers and
romantics everywhere.
LOCUS JUNE 2005
June 5, 2387. Grass fire crosses 98th meridian. Ravaged
Oglala and Texas both declare emergency as 1500 mile flame front marches east
toward Mississipp Embayment.
June 13, 2983. Thousandth Anniversary of Pioneer 10, first
man-made artifact to leave Solar System. Hundreds of cheering, chitinous Larg
raise a toast to the tiny spaceship that directed them to the planet that has
since become their home. In a moving, eleven-second ceremony, a wreath is
placed on the trench-grave of the 8.3 billion former inhabitants.
June 22, 2031. Canada annexed. Citing "undisclosable
security concerns," President Alma Gore exercises Preemptive Eminent
Domain to confer provisional statehood on the former British dominion. First
new star on the flag since West Iraq.
June 26, 2077. CEO falls to poison dart. Anne D. Lorey of
Hershey-Ford, paralyzed while addressing a sales meeting, is the first victim
of a blowgun gang targetting CEOs who make more than ten times as much as their
lowest-paid employee. The "Whiffenpoof Boys" will claim almost a
hundred victims and kindle a new interest in corporate reform before they are
appprehended.
LOCUS JULY 05
July 4, 2013. Pot party on White House lawn. While drug dealers and police protest
outside in a rare public display of unity, President Obama signs executive
order officially ending the most destructive public health policy since
Prohibition. Special guest ex-Pres Clinton inhales.
July 9, 2103. Last NY Times printed. Collectors and
fishmongers line up in historic Times Square to get hard copies of the last
edition of the world-famous "daily."
July 14, 2789 Bastille Day Anniversary. An estimated 125
million gather in Paris via holosim to celebrate the thousandth anniversary of
the Age of Democracy. Dick Clark
hosts.
July 29, 2543. Stars go out. The entire visible universe,
including the sun, goes dark for 3.4 hours, then mysteriously comes back
on. Physicists speculate
maintenance.
LOCUS AUGUST 05
August 4, 2117. Lunar graffitti obliterated. A close pattern
of six nuclear charges, fired by the Environmental Protection Agency, erases
the 850-kilometer "He Is Risen" tag illegally etched into the Mare
Insularum by suicide volunteers. Sierra International claims victory as
protests rage in Oklahoma and Taiwan.
August 9, 2069. Apple sells Princeton. The cash-poor
computer giant,
still reeling from Hershey's Edible iPod challenge, unloads
the august Ivy League diploma shop for an undisclosed sum to a consortium of
Chinese
gaming moguls. Atlantic City included in deal.
August 18, 2025. Brits at it again. Oxford police use
ultrasound batons to subdue unruly revelers at the 100th birthday party of SF
author Brian Aldiss. The host, an OBE honouree, is charged with Assault,
Imperial after threatening an uninvited literary critic with the "business
end" of a Hugo. Charges dropped at King's request.
August 26, 2117. RH "retread" saves studio. The
repro-holo remake of "Sideways" starring reBob Hope and reBing Crosby
opens at #1 worldwide, ending a 12-year box-office drought for troubled
Cemetery Films. Californya winery stocks also soar.
LOCUS SEPTEMBER 05
September 3, 2066.
China buys atmosphere. Faced with new penalties for atmospheric dumping,
the People's Republic of China (PRC) purchases the atmosphere from troubled
Oxxyon, prompting a fresh round of protests from Sierra Planetary, already contesting
the Inuit sale of the Bering Sea to Saudi Arabia.
September 9, 2104. Disneyland closed. The crime-ridden slum,
home to vicious gangs of feral "micks," is electronically scourged by
heli-police. Disneyland was once a world-famous destination for children of all
ages.
September 12, 2028. Hate Crime punished. Two Vermont
lesbians are jailed after their semi-public "commitment ceremony"
(forbidden under federal Hate Crime statutes) is raided by lightly armed
Christian Class Action volunteers. Both offenders lamed chemically in lieu of
jail.
September 23, 2201. Tsunami rolls over Long Island. An
eighty meter tidal wave resulting from the eruption of Mt. Pele in the
Caribbean washes all the way from Rockaway to Long Island Sound, killing over
20,000. Property loss, estimated at 3.9 billion, includes the Levittown
National Heritage Village.
LOCUS OCTOBER 05
October 7, 2020. Angry drivers jam DC Beltway. Thousands of
SUVs stop traffic to protest the new "Greenecard" required to buy
gasoline. The brainchild of Transportation Secretary Lois Greene, the card
contains a chip that adjusts the price on a rising scale. Thus a driver who
uses 25 gallons a week pays $4.22 for the first gallon and $16.04 for the 25th.
October 11, 2356. Time "door" closed. The chrono
rip accidentally opened by Phoenix University's runaway nuclear clock is sealed
after complaints by American Dental Association that the singularity was being
accessed illegally by graduate students seeking dental work.
October 19, 2087. Rep missile goes awry. A Kurdish
reparations missile, fired at Istanbul's Microsoft Tower, goes off course,
destroying a popular amusement park in southern Cyprus. Reparations to follow.
October 26, 2111. Highest peak on Moon climbed. First ascent
of 5543 meter Mount Huygens (Mare Imbrium) by a team of four Chinese
astro-alpinists and six Tibetan porters in "tight suits" with oxy
wafers. The three day (Earth calendar) assault followed the route of the
ill-fated 2109 British expedition.
LOCUS NOVEMBER 05
November 2, 2234. Prince Harold of Canada dies. The death of
the 113 year old Protestant patriarch sets off a power struggle as his 124 sons
and daughters vie for control their country's Taiga Reserve, which contains 55
percent of the world's fresh water.
November 9, 2047. Kennedy Slo-port opens in Midtown
Manhattan. NY is the last major US city to require vertical take-off and
landing capacity. The VTO facility atop the rebuilt Grand Central will
accommodate two 500-passenger Boeing-China 897s at a time, thus finally ending
the era of 150-mph-plus white-knuckle landings.
November 13, 2116. Last freshwater whale dies. The
genetically modified mammals, formerly Earth's largest, were introduced to the
Great Lakes at the turn of the century in an attempt to save the the species
from the toxicity of the open seas.
November 21, 2007. First offshore nation recognized by UN. The
230 square mile "Nova Africa" flotilla is centered around a former
Carnival cruise ship, crowded with hurricane refugees, which was seized by its
passengers and renamed the Cinque in 2006.
LOCUS DECEMBER 05
December, 2543. Mars moved. Scientists and developers rejoice as the red planet is
field-folded into a one-AU orbit directly opposite Earth, where it is expected
to develop a more hospitable climate. The controversial planetary repositioning
is the most ambitious real estate project since Greece was terraced in the
twenty-third century.
December 5, 2087. Lenin buried. Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov,
leader of the first Russian Revolution, is removed from Red Square and laid to
rest beside his brother, Alexander, who was executed in 1887 for attempting to
assassinate Tsar Alexander. Tsar Nick4 delivers eulogy.
December 12, 2106. Intelligent Design confirmed. The discovery in a Wyoming shale bed of
a fossilized demon carrying a "to-do" scroll silences the last
fanatical adherents of Darwin's archaic theory, while disappointing those
attributing ID to a benevolent deity.
December 24, 2059. First Contact. A twelve kilometer-wide
"saucer," thought at first to be an approaching asteroid, goes into
low polar orbit around the Earth.
Attempts to communicate are unsuccessful.
LOCUS JANUARY 06
January 1, 2206. New hue debuts. Merainª, a new primary
color, is introduced by Newbisco's Crayola division. The copy-protected hue,
which can be viewed but not reproduced without permission, prompts protests
from artists and designers worldwide.
January 9, 2054. Enter Jane Bond. Alice Nduma of Duggintown,
Botswana, is named the new 007 by HeavensGate Studios. Slated to star in the
upcoming "Girls Don't Cry," Nduma is the first female and the first
African to be cast in the classic role, traditionally dominated by
"white" men.
January 19, 2060. Saucer zaps files. A sudden
electromagnetic "tone," emanating from the mysterious 12
kilometer-wide saucer orbiting Earth, erases 100 percent of the world's digital
records. Panic on Wall Street. Attempts to communicate are unsuccessful.
January 23, 2124. Swimmer reaches North Pole. Scott Briley,
the popular Olympic breast-stroke brass medalist, conquers the slushy midwinter
Arctic Ocean without a wet suit, thus claiming Grey Goose Vodka's E10,000
"Northern Lites" prize.
LOCUS FEBRUARY 06
February 3, 2106. CIA prison found on Moon. Chinese helium 3
prospectors discover the century-old ruins of a clandestine "extraordinary
rendition" facility, complete with human remains and interrogation
apparatus. Congress demands
inquiry.
February 12, 2076. Chickens block highway. Thousands of Free
Rangeª chickens, blown into drifts by a winter storm, stop traffic for six
hours on I-95 near Baltimore. The traffic snarl leads to renewed calls for
fencing the bio-engineered birds, born without feet or wings.
February 22 2060. Mystery saucer submerges. The huge alien
saucer which has silently orbited Earth for almost a year, descends and
disappears under the Indian Ocean, causing a two-foot tsunami and worldwide
governmental anxiety. All attempts
to communicate with the enigmatic 12-kilometer diameter craft have so far been
unsuccessful.
February 27, 2265. Maglev tower falls. The 622 meter
Humanities Tower at Alaskan Airways University, the world's tallest unsecured
magnetic structure, collapses, causing the deaths of eleven tenured professors
and 873 undergraduates and adjuncts. Migrating brown-out blamed.
LOCUS MARCH 06
March 3, 2123. Biopreds attack Cincinnatti. Thousands of
engineered neoreptiles, recently escaped from a West Virginia bioweapon
research facility, emerge in southern Ohio. Panic ensues as the fast-evolving
"preds" haul themselves out of the water on rudimentary legs to feed
on slow-moving Ohioans.
Marrr 09, 15432. Londinium updug. Te reman d'bigbig
twonortowns i'dis cover an undug nexcoast of Uropea Guran, prom all happiness
forcause London o Londionium, makelods oldpeopel where faddermudders mak
remember. Ope air much of stone.
March 24, 2032. March madness. A malfunctioning RoboRefª,
apparently upset by catcalls, charges into the stands during a close Duke/UK
game, killing four Ky Wildcat fans and injuring a security guard. Game goes
into overtime; NCAA promises post-season investigation.
March 24, 2066. Presidential sex change. An innovative
non-invasive laser procedure, performed between a press conference and a state
dinner, makes L.K. Cranmer the 53rd male U.S. President, the third female
President, and the first Chief Exec to undergo a sex change in office.
LOCUS APRIL 06
April 16, 2120. Faulty arms award. Janet Ergastus, the
recipient of the first cosmetic arm grown from nano-remobilized vestigial
("junk") DNA, is awarded $212,750 for Career Impediment. The
plaintiff, a swimsuit model, who amputated her left arm to get rid of tattoos,
sued when it grew back in covered with coarse hair and extending well below her
knee.
April 18, 2465. Windstorm on Moon. Globik Underprize's
celebrated lunar reclamation project turns disastrous when the "sticky-air"
generator kicks off a 200 kph permanent global duststorm. The Moon's features
will not be seen again from Earth until 2499, when the low-grav designer gas is
siphoned off into space by PlanetPump, a Halliburton subdsidiary. Meanwhile,
lovers mourn.
April 23, 2048. European Israel recognized. A century of
conflict in the Middle East ends as the state of Israel is re-established on
territory ceded in a historic reparations settlement by Poland, Germany and
Ukraine. Arabs and Jews alike send congratulations from Democratic Palestine as
the new state is admitted to the UN.
April 28, 2066. Mystery saucer departs. The gigantic alien
spaceship that orbited Earth for two years and then disappeared under the
Indian Ocean, suddenly emerges from the North Atlantic and speeds off into
interstellar space, leaving huge sinkholes in Alaska, Arabia and Oklahoma.
Tulsa and Riyadh are relocated when it is discovered that the saucer, swollen
to four times its arrival size, took all the Earth's oil deposits with it.
LOCUS MAY 06
May 1, 2052. Seattle rioters torch Holy Books. "Hate Squad" peacekeepers
attack with soothe-foam as Secular Party Mayday marchers burn Korans, Bibles
and Dianetics hardcovers, demanding an end to compulsory Diversity Readings in
public schools. Three defilers
killed, two sacred texts scorched.
May 19, 2201. Clone Veep quits. Vice President Ralph Waldo
Emerson, HC, the first
historiclone elected to high office, resigns to become a HoloV talk-show
host. The controversial move is
seen as a bid by the HBO-owned Democratic Party to challenge Johnny Carson, HC,
the current late-night king.
May 23, 2041.
New city for sex offenders. Neverland, Nevada, is granted first-ever
"adults only" municipal charter, giving convicted sex offenders a
place to live. No internet access.
Midnight, May 31, 2121. Time goes decimal. The hundred minute hour and the hundred second minute are officially adopted worldwide, over protests by the International Olympic Committee (IOC) and the Tachometer Manufacturers of America (TMA).
LOCUS JUNE 06
June 1, 2077.
Coca Colaª retires. The one-time high scoring NBA center turns in his jersey
after a twenty year career. "Coke" as he was known to his fans was
the first pro-baller to adopt a trade-mark name. His 99 point game record stood
for 11 years until it was surpassed by Ford Explorerª of the Google Lakers.
June 22, 2060. Singularity cancelled. The 2060 solstice was
to have been the day. An "actionably disappointed" SFWA files a class
action breach-of-promise suit against Disney, which bought the rights to the
event from the Vernor Vinge estate for an undisclosed amount in 2033.
June 15, 2252. Tragedy at Philly kitefest. A freak
electrical storm kills 1314, turning the 500th anniversary Franklin Day
celebration into Philadelphia's worst public disaster since the 2012 gasoline
riots.
June 21, 2314. Last Pope quits. Elizabeth P. Murran, known as Beth IX, abdicates the Vatican. Her termination settlement leaves the once-wealthy Catholic Church reduced to three commercial properties in Rutlands, California, and a miniature golf course in Sicily.