a
Radio Play
by
Terry Bisson
Voices:
CadetÑyoung, gung-ho but
sensitive. Can be male or female
Commander-older man, military
LouisaÑwoman, 35, Bklyn accent
CarlÑman, 40, same accent
Welles-man
Cop, Shopkeeper, Cop2, Cabbie, Sports announcer, Guard
Note:
ww:
is simulation of War of Worlds radio show
/FSX/ STATIC. SQUEAK, SQUAWK.
ww:announcer
... this Sunday, October
20,1938 ... proudly presents Orson Welles and his Mercury Theatre in "War
of the ...
/FSX/ STATIC. SQUEAK, SQUAWK.
ww:Welles ...this world was being
watched closely by intelligences greater than man's, and yet as mortal as his
own...
Cadet Hey, catch this, Commander.
ww:Welles ... intellects vast, cool
and unsympathetic regarded this earth with envious eyes ...
/FSX/ STATIC. SQUEAK, SQUAWK.
Commander What is it, Cadet?
Cadet Some kind of radio
broadcast. I lost it.
ww:music
big band music (beginning of Welles
broadcast)
Commander What's that?
Cadet Music. Same frequency--
Commander Primitive 12 tone stuff.
Cadet But beautiful, in its own
way. Vigorous.
Commander Vigor is overrated. Where's
it coming from? There's nothing in
this planetary quadrant capable of putting out a radio signal.
/FSX/ STATIC. SQUEAK, SQUAWK.
ww:announcer ... interrupt our program
of dance music to bring you a special bulletin from Intercontinental Radio
News. At twenty minutes before
eight, central time ...
Cadet Here it is again. It's
definitely from this quadrant.
Commander Check it again, Cadet. This entire quadrant is
signal free. A no-radio zone, in
fact.
Cadet Yes, sir! I'm running it
through the extrapolator, in case I made a mistake.
ww:announcer ...indicates the gas to be
hydrogen, and moving towards the Earth at terrific velocity. Professor Pierson of Princeton
University describes the phenomenon as "like a blue flame shot from a
gun." We now return you to the music of Ramon Raquello at the Meridian
Room in ...
Commander LetÕs concentrate on our
Jump, Cadet. ThatÕs probably some kind of loop or bounce. Stray signal. You
know how radio is.
Cadet Yes, Commander. (quietly) I guess.
/FSX/
CAR DOOR SLAMS.
Carl Finally! Let's get out of
here!
/FSX/ ANOTHER CAR DOOR SLAMS.
SOUND OF STARTER
Louisa I wish you would quit
rushing me!
Carl Rushing you? Louisa, we're
going to be late already.
Louisa Late? I'm not going to be
late for my own sister's wedding.
/FSX/ SOUND OF CAR RUNNING UP
THROUGH GEARS
Carl I don't see why she has to
get married on Halloweeen anyway!
Louisa What do you care?
/FSX/ STATIC. SQUEAK, SQUAWK.
Carl What are you doing?
Louisa What does it look like I'm
doing? Trying to find something on
the radio. To drown out your complaints!
ww:announcer ...indicates the gas to be
hydrogen, and moving towards the Earth at terrific velocity. Professor Pierson of Princeton
University describes the phenomenon as "like a blueflame shot from a
gun."
Louisa Wow. What is this?
Carl Some professor. Let me see if I can get the news.
/FSX/ STATIC. SQUEAK, SQUAWK
Louisa Hey, Carl, pay attention to
your driving. Let me handle the radio.
Carl Get the news, then. I want to see what's happening in the
game.
Louisa That's what you call news?
A ball game?
ww:announcer ...We now return you to the
music of Ramon Raquello at the Meridian Room in ...
Louisa Damn! I lost it. See what you did?
Carl Just get the ball game.
Louisa You want to drive the car
or the radio?
/FSX/ STATIC. SQUEAK, SQUAWK
Cadet Found it again, Commander.
This signal is getting stronger and stronger.
Commander Leave it, Cadet. We're almost ready for the last leg
home. We have to triple-check the
coordinates before the hyperspace Jump.
Cadet I know. But wouldn't it be
nice to go back to our home planet with something new to report? Listen--
ww:announcer ...reported that at 8:50 p.m. a huge flaming object,
believed to be a meteorite, fell on a farm in the neighborhood of Grovers Mill,
New Jersey
Commander No, in fact it's best to
have nothing to report. An
uneventful universe is our goal. Now let's get ready to jump. We have more
important work to do than eavesdrop on amateur astronomers. Or worse, ghosts...
Cadet I have a feeling that this is no ghost.
/FSX/ STATIC. SQUEAK, SQUAWK
Carl Look at this traffic! Why
does your sister have to get married in Jersey anyway?
Louisa Just shut up and drive!
Here it is again.
ww:announcer ...reported that at 8:50
p.m. a huge flaming object, believed to be a meteorite, fell on a farm in the
neighborhood of Grovers Mill, New Jersey
Carl What's a meteorite?
Louisa A big rock from outer
space.
Carl Why would a rock from outer
space land in New Jersey?
Louisa I donÕt know, Carl. Be
quiet so I can listen.
Carl See if you can get the ball game
...
/SFX/ STATIC. SQUEAK, SQUAWK.
Commander Cadet, are you still
fooling with that radio?
ww:announcer ...dispatched a special
mobile unit to the scene, and will have our commentator, Mr Philips ...(crowd
sounds, sirens)
Cadet Commander, we may have
something to report after all.
Commander What do you mean?
Cadet A crime. Protocol Violation. Category Two. Listen ...
ww:Phillips ... Phillips, at the Wilmuth Farm. Grovers Mill, New Jersey
... I hardly know where to begin.
I guess that's the thing, directly in front of me, half buried in a vast
pit. Must have struck with
terrific force.
Commander A meteor? A dead tree? That's hardly a Category Two Protocol
Violation, Cadet.
Cadet But what if it's not a meteor?
Commander Cadet, you're living in a
dreamworld. A dream universe,
where your brave intervention is needed.
/FSX/ STATIC. SQUEAK, SQUAWK
Carl This traffic is terrible.
Maybe we should have taken the bridge.
Louisa Sssshhhh!!
ww:Phillips Must have struck with
terrific force. The ground is
covered with splinters of a tree it must have struck on the way down.
Carl So what. A dead tree in New
Jersey? Big deal.
Louisa It's from Mars, don't you
see? It's got to be linked with
those explosions they reported.
This is no meteor!
ww:Phillips ... doesn't look very much
like a meteor, at least not the meteors I've seen. It looks more like a huge cylinder. It has a diameter of ...
what would you say, Professor Pierson?
Louisa A cylinder! It's a spaceship!
Carl A what?
Louisa I read about it in Amazing
Weird Science Stories! I've been
waiting for this to happen all my life!
/SFX/ STATIC. SQUEAK, SQUAWK.
Cadet It's no meteor,
Commander! It's a spaceship!
ww:Phillips The metal on the sheath is
... well, I've never seen anything like it. The color is sort of yellowish white. Curious spectators are now pressing
close to the object...
Commander It couldn't be. No intelligent race would consciously
break the Protocols like that.
Cadet It sounds like a ship to
me. Sir.
Commander That's why you're just a
Cadet! It does sound a little funny though. See if you can get a stronger
signal, while I finish preparing us for the hyperspace Jump.
/SFX/ STATIC. SQUEAK, SQUAWK.
ww:Phillips The metal on the sheath
is... well, I've never seen anything like it. The color is sort of yellowish white.
Louisa This is so wonderful!
Carl Are you sure this isn't
some kind of science fiction? Like that studff you are always reading?
Louisa On the radio? This is real, Carl.
ww:Phillips Curious
spectators are now pressing close to the object in spite of the efforts of the
police to keep them back.
Carl Probably just some kind of
airplane crash.
Louisa No, I'm telling you, this
is related to those explosions on Mars.
Carl (yelling) Hey, jerk, you pulled in
front of me!
/SFX/ HORN HONKS
Louisa This is historical! This
could be the first contact with another intelligent species!
Carl Why would an intelligent species
visit New Jersey?
/SFX/ STATIC. SQUEAK, SQUAWK.
ww:farmer Well, I was listenin' to
the radio and kinda drowsin' ...that professor fellow was talkin' about
Mars,and ...
Commander What's this? More of the same?
Cadet One of the locals,
sir. Indigenous.
ww:Phillips One man wants to touch the
thing. He's having an argument
with a policeman ...
Commander This is most extraordinary.
Are you certain that this is a live broadcast?
Cadet Absolutely, Commander. I've triangulated it four ways. It's live and local.
ww:Phillips ... curious humming
that seems to come from inside the object. I'll move the microphone nearer ...
Commander They're obviously
primitive, even if they have radio.
A metallic meteor looks like a space ship to them. But of course it's just a ...
Cadet Commander, listen!
ww:Phillips
This is terrific. Ladies an
gentlemen, this is terrific! The
end of this thing is beginning to flake off. The top is
beginning to rotate ...
Commander Oh, my God!
/SFX/ STATIC. SQUEAK, SQUAWK.
Louisa I knew it! There's somebody in there! Somebody or
something!
ww:Phillips ... The top is beginning to rotate like a screw. The
thing must be hollow!
Carl What's it, like a jar?
Louisa It's a spaceship,
Carl! Listen!
ww:voices She's a movin'!
Look, the darn thing's
unscrewing!
Keep back! Keep back there,
I tell you! Maybe there's men in it trying to escape!
Carl Men? Nuts you mean. It's probably...
Louisa If only I was there! I'm
missing the biggest event in human history! Instead I'm stuck in traffic on the West Side highway, going
to a stupid wedding!
Carl You'd better not let your
sister hear that!
/SFX/ STATIC. SQUEAK, SQUAWK.
ww:voices It's red hot! They'll burn to a cinder! Keep back there! Keep those idiots back! She's off! The top's loose! Look out there, stand
back!
Cadet I told you, Commander. It's some kind of ship!
Commander That's impossible. No
civilized world would violate the Protocols.
Cadet Then what is it? Sir? And why is it disguised to look like a meteorite?
ww:Phillips Ladies and gentlemen, this
is the most terrifying thing I have ever witnessed! Wait a minute! Something's crawling out of the hollow
top!
Commander This is not possible. Someone or something is deliberately
violating the Galactic Non-intervention Protocols! Contact with non-spacefaring
races is absolutely forbidden.
Cadet Yes, Commander.
Commander Get us a triangulation,
Cadet. We need to ID the violator
and the victim. It'll have to be a
running fourway fix.
Cadet Can't we drop down?
Commander Negative. We're too close
to our link. But you should be
able to locate the planet from hyperspace. It'll be a good exercise.
Cadet Yes, Commander.
/SFX/ STATIC. SQUEAK, SQUAWK.
ww:Phillips
...Something's crawling out
of the hollow top! Some one or something!
Louisa It's our first visitor from
the stars!
Carl Crawling? Sounds creepy
to me.
ww:Phillips I can see peering out of that black hole
two luminous disks ... are they eyes? It might be a face! It might be ...
Carl Saints preserve us! ItÕs a
monster!
/SFX/ STATIC. SQUEAK, SQUAWK.
Cadet I have an ID on that
planet, Commander.
Commander Let me see. No, this has got to be wrong, Cadet!
Cadet It checks out four
ways. (resentfully) Sir. What's the problem,
Commander?
Commander It's a quarantined planet,
that's the problem. A
no-contact zone. I know because I
personally surveyed that planet two tours ago. They were living in mud cities. Had barely developed the wheel.
Cadet And now they have radio!
Commander No culture has ever
achieved radio in such a short time.
This is quite a find.
ww:Phillips Something's wriggling out
of the shadows like a gray snake.
Now it's another one, and another. They look like tentacles to me ...
Cadet Tentacles! Could it be one of our ...
/SFX/ STATIC. SQUEAK, SQUAWK.
ww:Phillips: ...it glistens like wet
leather. But that face. It--it's
indescribable.
Carl A monster! It's a devil
from Hell!
Louisa No, it's not, Carl. It's an extraterrestrial. We must look as strange to it as it
does to us.
ww:Phillips
I can hardly force myself to
keep looking at it. The eyes are
black and gleam like a serpent.
The mouth is V-shaped with saliva dripping from its rimless lips ...
Carl Shoot it! Isn't somebody going to shoot it?
Louisa Don't be barbaric! It's a
visitor from the stars! It comes
in peace.
Carl Yeah, right. How do you
know?
Louisa I read about it in AMAZING
STORIES. First alien contact was bound to happen in our lifetime. And here it
is!
/SFX/ STATIC. SQUEAK, SQUAWK.
Cadet Commander, listen to this!
ww:Phillips
É are black and gleam like a
serpent. The mouth is V-shaped
with saliva dripping from its rimless lips that seem to quiver and pulsate ...
Commander
Lordly creatures!
Cadet Could
it be one of our ships?
Commander Surely not! Actual physical contact with non-space
faring races is expressly forbidden in the Protocols.
Cadet Maybe it's an
accident. Maybe they're looking for help.
Commander That's forbidden too.
An entire civilization's development can't be jeapordized by one ship's
need.
ww:Phillips The monster seems weighed
down by gravity. It's rising up ...
Cadet Whatever it is, it's in
trouble.
Commander It's going to be in a lot
more trouble once we ID it and report it!
/SFX/ STATIC. SQUEAK, SQUAWK.
ww:Phillips
The crowd falls back. They've seen enough. I'm pulling back too ...
Carl Are you sure this is for
real, Louisa?
Louisa Of course it's real. It's on Columbia.
ww:Phillips ... More state police have
arrived. No need to push the crowd
back now. They're willing to keep
their distance. ...
Carl Do you think your sister
will call off the wedding?
Louisa Not a chance. Sssshh! Something's happening!
ww:Phillips
the captain and two
policemen advance with something in their hands ...
/SFX/ STATIC. SQUEAK AND SQUAWK
Commander Don't lose it! I want to
document every second of this outrage!
ww:Phillips The professor moves around
to one side, while the captain and two policemen advance with something in
their hands ...
Cadet Maybe it's some kind of
mistake.
Commander Mistake? The Protocols
don't allow for that kind of mistake.
Whoever is in that funny screw-top spaceship is committing a Category
Two violation.
Cadet Shouldn't we try and stop
it somehow?
Commander I admire your spirit,
Cadet. But our appearance would
just make a bad situation worse.
Two visitors from space?!
Cadet I guess you're right,
Commander. Whoever saw us would have to be nulled.
Commander Plus, if we dropped out of
hyperspace now, we would miss our wormhole link. We would be sentencing ourselves to a life in exile on a
strange, primitive planet. With no way home.
Cadet I understand,
Commander. It's just that I hate
to see such a crime committed without ...
Commander Forget it, Cadet. Our job is report and observe. Not to enforce.
/SFX/ STATIC. SQUEAK, SQUAWK.
ww:Phillips It's a white handkerchief
tied to a pole .. a flag of truce. If those creatures know what that means ...
Louisa Of course they know what it
means! They can travel through space. That means they are very intelligent.
Probably far more intelligent than we are!
Carl They ought to just blow
them away! You can't negotiate
with a monster with tentacles!
Louisa Don't be such a bigot,
Carl. We probably look as horrible to them as they do to us.
Carl (anguished) My mother lives
in Jersey!
Louisa Ssssshhhhh!
ww:Phillips Wait! Something's
happening! (hissing sound) A humped shape is rising outof the pit. I can make out a small beam of light
...What's that? A jet of flame ... right at the advancing men. It strikes them head on! Good Lord! They're ...
Carl I told you! They're
attacking!
Louisa No! It can't be ...
/SFX/ STATIC. SQUEAK, SQUAWK.
Cadet (shocked) An attack?
ww:Phillips Now the whole field has
caught fire! The woods, the barns,
the gas tanks of automobiles ... Now they're burning everybody! It's coming this
way. It's ...
/SFX/ STATIC. SQUAWKS AND SQUEAKS.
Carl What are you doing,
Louisa? Leave that radio alone!
Louisa I'm trying to get it back.
We're losing our signal.
Sports
announcer: Trying to steal second, but
Briley holds him on first ...
Louisa (amazed) A ball game! As if nothing were happening!
/SFX/ STATIC. SQUAWKS AND SQUEAKS.
ww:announcer
... some difficulty with our
field transmission ... handed a message that came in from Grovers Mill by
telephone.
Carl Here it is!
ww:announcer
At least forty
people,including six state troopers, lie dead in a field east of the village
...bodies burned and distorted beyond sll possible recognition.
Carl Those bastards! Those rotten alien monsters! You say they're from Mars?
Louisa (confused) I don't know. I think I heard that.
There must be some misunderstanding.
Carl Misunderstanding? Those monsters just incinerated forty
Americans!
/SFX/ SQUEALING OF TIRES
Louisa What are you doing,
Carl?! You can't turn around here!
Carl The hell I can't. I'm in
the National Guard and this is an emergency. I'm heading for the West Side Armory!
Louisa (dazed) It's all a mistake.
A nightmare--
Carl You bet it's a nightmare!
This is America they're attacking.The dirty ...
Louisa (reluctant) What about my
sister's wedding?
Carl To hell with the
wedding! This is war! (yelling)
Outa the way!
/SFX/ STATIC. SQUEAK, SQUAWK.
ww:announcer ...lie dead in a field east
ofthe village ... bodies burned and distorted beyond all recognition ...
Commander This is beyond belief!
Cadet, do you realize the full enormity of what we are hearing?
Cadet I do, Commander. A Category One.
Commander An actual attack on a
primitive civilization! The most
serious violation of the Galactic NonIntervention Protocols that I have ever
heard of, much less encountered.
Cadet So what do we do?
Commander Do? Our job is to report. To observe.
Cadet But sir, shouldn't we do
something? It's ongoing. Still happening.
Commander This is totally
unprecedented!
Cadet Innocent creatures are
being incinerated while we ...
Commander Cadet, be silent! Let me think.
/SFX/ HORN HONKING! ANGRY SHOUTS
Louisa Carl, We're in the wrong
lane! You're going to cause an
accident!
Carl Outa my way, you
fools! We've been invaded! Monsters from Mars!
Louisa Shouldn't you try to call
the National Guard. Just to be
sure?
Carl Are you crazy, Louisa? All
the lines will be jammed. See if you can get anything on the radio.
/SFX/ STATIC. SQUEAK, SQUAWK.
ww:announcer ... as far west as
Princeton and as far East as Middlesex under Martial law. Four companies of State militia ...
Carl Martial Law! Damn this
traffic! Louisa, reach under the seat.
Louisa What's this? A gun? Since when do you keep a gun in the
car?
Carl Since I joined the
Guard. Colt 45, Standard issue. Don't worry, I have a
permit. Put it on the seat between
us.
Louisa Carl, I don't know ...
What's it for?
Carl For? The United States of America has just
been invaded from the planet Mars, and you're asking me what the gun is for? (out the window) Outa the way!
/SFX/ STATIC. SQUEAK, SQUAWK.
ww:announcer ... and as far East as
Middlesex under Martial law. Four
companies of State militia are proceeding from Trenton to Grovers Mill
Commander The invaded planet--what's
it called?
Cadet It has a hundred
names. They have not yet united politically
or linguistically.
Commander And yet they have achieved
radio!
Cadet Whatever they have achieved
is about ready to be wiped out by naked aggression, sir, unless ...
Commander I know your position,
Cadet. But we should avoid intervention
at all costs. If we intervene, it creates a whole new set of problems.
Cadet How's that, sir?
Commander For one thing, we may miss
our Jump. We may never get home.
And for another thing ...
/SFX/ SOUNDS OF TRAFFIC. HONKING. ROAR OF MOTOR.
Carl