PRESS ANN
by
Terry Bisson
INT. URBAN ATM.
A one-machine enclosure on a busy street. The kind with a
glass door operated by a card.
OPEN ON: Cash machine screen up close.
ATM SCREEN
WELCOME TO CASH-IN-A-FLASH
1413 LOCATIONS
TO SERVE YOU CITYWIDE
PLEASE INSERT YOUR CARD
SFX an opening door. City sounds, horns, cars, commotion. Door
closes and sounds die. Scuffling feet approach.
Cash machine a little less close. We see card slot and
10-digit keyboard.
A card is inserted by female fingers. Returned.
ATM SCREEN
THANK YOU.
NOW PLEASE ENTER
YOUR ATM NUMBER.
Female fingers type in four digits.
ATM SCREEN
THANK YOU.
PLEASE PRESS DESIRED SERVICE--
DEPOSIT
WITHDRAWAL
BALANCE
WEATHER
Female face dimly reflected in screen, peering closely,
puzzled.
EMILY (VO)
Weather?
BRUCE (VO)
What's the problem, Em?
EMILY studying cash machine. She's about thirty, wearing a
coat.
EMILY
Since when do these things give the weather?
BRUCE is same age, leather jacket and jeans. A neat, trimmed
beard. Studies an overly complex wristwatch.
BRUCE
Maybe it's some new thing.
Just get the cash, okay?
It's 6:22 and we're going to be late.
Emily presses the screen.
ATM SCREEN
THANK YOU.
WITHDRAWAL FROM?
SAVINGS
CHECKING
CREDIT LINE
OTHER
We see Emily reflected in screen as her finger presses
CHECKING.
ATM SCREEN
PLEASE PRESS DESIRED AMOUNT--
$20
$40
$60
$100
Emily presses $60, then leans forward and studies screen. We
see her puzzled reflection.
ATM SCREEN
$60 FOR A MOVIE?
EMILY
Bruce, come over here and look at this.
BRUCE
(studies watch)
Emily, it;s 6:26 and the movie starts at 6:41.
EMILY
How does the cash machine know we're going to the
movie?
BRUCE
What are you talking about? Are you still mad
because you have to get the money?
Can I help it if the machine ate my card?
EMILY
Never mind. I'll try it again.
Emily presses the screen. She steps back, startled.
EMILY
It just did it again!
ATM SCREEN
$60 FOR A MOVIE?
EMILY (VO)
Bruce, come over here and look at this!
BRUCE
(irritated)
Did what?
EMILY
Bruce, come over here and look at this!
Bruce steps up and studies screen. Looks at Emily.
BRUCE
Sixty dollars for a movie?
EMILY
(turns on him)
I'm getting money for dinner too.
It IS my birthday, after all,
even if I have to plan the entire party,
not to mention get the money to pay for it.
BRUCE
I can't believe this! You're mad at me
because a machine ate my card!
EMILY
Forget it! The point is, how does the cash machine
know we're going to a movie?
BRUCE
(checking his watch)
Emily, it's 6:29. Just press ENTER
or whatever and let's go!
Emily steps back up to the machine.
EMILY
Okay, okay!
ATM SCREEN
WHO'S THE GUY WITH THE WATCH?
BOYFRIEND
HUSBAND
OTHER
Emily steps back from the machine again.
EMILY
Bruce!
BRUCE
Emily it's 6:30. Just get the money and let's go!
EMILY
Now it's asking me about you!
BRUCE
6:31!
EMILY
Okay, okay!
Emily's finger hovers over and then presses OTHER on the ATM
screen.
Another figure is seen in screen with Emily's reflection. She
looks around, startled.
Bruce and Emily have been joined inside the ATM cubicle by
ANDREW, also about 30, wearing a suit and tie; no beard--and no
watch.
ANDREW
(points to ATM)
Excuse me, do you two mind if I ...
BRUCE
Look, pal, there's a problem with this machine.
There's another cash machine
right down the street
if you're in such a goddamned hurry!
Andrew shrugs and leaves through a glass door that opens with
a card.
Emily turns on Bruce, hands on hips. It's clear that these two
bicker a lot.
EMILY
Rude as usual!
BRUCE
Forget it. He's gone.
As the door closes behind Andrew, the ATM screen is changing.
Emily turns back to look at it.
ATM SCREEN
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, EMILY
WOULD YOU LIKE--
DEPOSIT
WITHDRAWAL
BALANCE
WEATHER
EMILY
How does it know it's my birthday?
Bruce approaches, studying his ridiculous watch.
BRUCE
Jesus, Em, it's probably coded in your card
or something. It is now 6:34 and in
exactly seven minutes ...
(Looks from watch to screen)
Jesus! What the hell is this? Weather?
EMILY
That's what I've been trying to tell you!
Emily reaches toward screen.
BRUCE
You're not going to press WEATHER?!
EMILY
(Pressing screen)
Why not?
ATM SCREEN
THANK YOU
PRESS DESIRED WEATHER--
COOL AND CLOUDY
FAIR AND MILD
LIGHT SNOW
LIGHT RAIN
BRUCE
Em, will you stop fooling around!
Emily presses screen.
BRUCE
Rain? On your birthday?
Emily studies screen with a smile.
EMILY
Just a light rain. I just want to see if it works.
We're going to the movie anyway.
BRUCE
(studies watch)
Not if we don't get out of here.
ATM SCREEN
PERFECT MOVIE WEATHER
WOULD YOU LIKE--
DEPOSIT
WITHDRAWAL
BALANCE
POPCORN
BRUCE
Popcorn? Em, this machine is seriously fucked up.
EMILY
I know. I wonder if you get butter.
BRUCE
It's 6:36. Just press WITHDRAWAL
and let's get the hell out of here.
We have five minutes before the movie starts.
Emily studies screen and presses WITHDRAWAL.
ATM SCREEN
THANK YOU
WITHDRAWAL FROM--
SAVINGS
CHECKING
CREDIT LINE
OTHER
ANDREW (VO)
Excuse me. Are you two going to see
GILDED PALACE OF SIN?
Andrew is back in the tiny crowded ATM room. The glass door
shuts behind him. He's brushing raindrops out of his his hair.
BRUCE
Who wants to know?
ANDREW
(ignoring his rudeness)
I was just at the theater,
and the paper had the times listed wrong.
According to the box office,
the movie starts at 6:45,
so you have nine minutes.
Emily leaves the ATM machine and goes to the door.
BRUCE
I thought you were at the other ATM.
ANDREW
There's a line and I didn't want
to stand outside in the rain.
EMILY
Bruce, look. Rain!
ANDREW
It's just a light rain.
But I'm wearing my new suit.
Emily returns to the ATM machine. Bruce watches in alarm.
BRUCE
Emily, it;s 6:37 and you're pressing OTHER?
EMILY
Why not? Don't you want to see
what else this ATM can do?
BRUCE
No!
ATM SCREEN
THANK YOU
CHOOSE OTHER ACCOUNT
ANDREW
ANN
BRUCE
BRUCE
Who the hell are ANDREW and ANN?
And how the hell did my name get in there?
EMILY
You told me the machine ate your card.
BRUCE
(lying)
That was-- another machine.
ANDREW
Excuse me. ANN is my fiance.
Well, was. Sort of. I thought.
BRUCE
Who asked you to butt in?
EMILY
Wait!
(Looks from Andrew to screen and back)
You must be ...
ANDREW
Andrew. Andrew P Clayborn the Third.
(they shake hands)
You must be Emily. And he must be ...
EMILY
He's Bruce. And don't mind him
if he's a little uncouth.
BRUCE
(all but sputtering)
Uncouth!
Emily turns back to screen and presses it resolutely. Bruce
looks over her shoulder, outraged.
BRUCE
Hey! That's my account, Emily.
You don't have any right to press BRUCE!
ATM SCREEN
BRUCE
EMILY (VO)
Why not?! You said you wanted to pay
for dinner and the movie,
but the machine ate your card. So let's go for
it.
ATM SCREEN
GO FOR IT, EMILY
PLEASE ENTER DESIRED AMOUNT
FROM BRUCE'S ACCOUNT
$20
$60
$80
$100
We see Emily's reflection in screen as she presses $60.
ATM SCREEN
$60 SORRY.
INSUFFICIENT FUNDS IN BRUCE'S ACCOUNT
WANT TO TRY FOR $20?
YES NO
Emily presses YES.
ATM SCREEN
$20 SORRY.
INSUFFICIENT FUNDS IN BRUCE'S ACCOUNT
HOW ABOUT A BALANCE CHECK?
YES NO
BRUCE (VO)
No!
EMILY
(as she presses YES)
Yes!
ATM SCREEN
BRUCE'S BALANCE: $11.78
SURPRISED?
EMILY
Surprised? I'm furious! Some birthday celebration!
You didn't even have enough
to pay for the movie,
much less dinner! And you lied!
ANDREW
Excuse me, it's your birthday?
It's my birthday too!
BRUCE
You stay out of this, Andrew,
or whatever the fuck your name is!
EMILY
Don't be vulgar, Bruce. He has
an absolute perfect right to wish me
a happy birthday.
BRUCE
He's not wishing you anything,
he's butting into my life!
ANDREW
(extends his hand)
Allow me to wish you a happy birthday, Emily.
EMILY
And to you, Andrew, the very same.
Andrew and Emily shake hands. Bruce looks on, disgusted.
BRUCE
Plus, he's an asshole!
All three turn and look at the ATM screen, which is flickering
as new letters appear.
ATM SCREEN
NO NAME CALLING PLEASE
WOULD YOU LIKE ANOTHER BALANCE CHECK?
BRUCE
EMILY
ANDREW
ANN
EMILY
I don't think so. I already know more
than I ever wanted to know.
But I still don't understand who ANN is.
BRUCE
My girl friend. Sort of.
She was supposed to meet me at the movie.
But she stood me up--for the last time.
EMILY
How terrible! On your birthday!
Andrew, I know exactly how you feel!
Bruce shakes his head disgustedly.
BRUCE
As a matter of fact, you're both
a couple of assholes.
They all turn to look at the ATM as new letters appear.
Andrew and Emily approach the ATM, side by side.
ATM SCREEN
NO NAME CALLING PLEASE
ANDREW AND EMILY
PLEASE ALLOW ME TO TREAT YOU
TO A BIRTHDAY DINNER AND A FILM
SFX as the machine churns out five twenties.
EMILY
A hundred dollars!
ANDREW
It says it's treating us! Take it, Emily.
EMILY
You take it, Andrew. I think the man
should handle the money.
And you can call me Em.
Andrew takes the money, counts it, folds it, and sticks it
into his pocket. Bruce looks on in offended amazement.
BRUCE
I can't fucking believe this!
ANDREW
We'd better hurry. Excuse me, Bruce, old pal.
Do you have the time?
BRUCE
(checks watch)
It's 6:42. Asshole.
ANDREW
(to Emily)
If we run we can catch the 6:45.
Then how about Sneaky Pete's?
EMILY
I love Tex-Mex!
Andrew holds the door for Emily. Bruce watches them go out the
door together, then turns back to look at the ATM screen.
ATM SCREEN
ENJOY! DON'T FORGET TO TRY
THE BLACKENED FAJITAS
Bruce kicks the ATM machine.
ATM SCREEN
WELCOME TO CASH-IN-A-FLASH
1413 LOCATIONS
TO SERVE YOU CITYWIDE
PLEASE DON'T KICK THE MACHINE
Bruce kicks the ATM machine harder.
BRUCE
Go to Hell!
ATM SCREEN
PLEASE INSERT YOUR CARD
BRUCE
Fuck you!
ATM SCREEN
GO AHEAD BRUCE
WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO LOSE?
Curious (and still furious) Bruce pulls his card out of his
wallet and inserts it.
ATM SCREEN
THANK YOU
IT WASN'T 'EATEN' AFTER ALL
WAS IT?
BRUCE
You know it wasn't. Asshole!
ATM SCREEN
NO NAME CALLING PLEASE
WOULD YOU LIKE
SYMPATHY
REVENGE
WEATHER
ANN
SFX banging on door. Muffled woman's voice from outside.
Bruce looks around. There is a young woman banging on the
glass door. Well dressed, about his age.
WOMAN
Excuse me! Excuse me!
It is sprinkling rain. She mimes that she wants in.
BRUCE
Jesus, quit banging on the door.
I know it's raining. Touch shit.
This is a cash machine, not a homeless shelter.
You're supposed to have a card to get in.
What? What did you say?
WOMAN
(shouting through glass)
I said, shut up and press ANN.
THE END